Gurus in Disguise

Warning: this entry is rated R for language and brief nudity.

I've been living on the streets and a cold front with rain has brought new challenges. The first night I wandered around for a long time in the drizzle, searching for a place to sleep and regretting that I didn't have any warm clothes. (It's August, right?) I finally came across a dry alcove sheltered by some scaffolding. A one-eyed homeless guy named Jimmy was already there, but he offered me the best sleeping spot (most protected from the rain), explaining that he slept during the day and would soon be on his way. He turned out to be quite a loquacious fellow, expounding on music, psychology, and, seeing that I was a monk, religion. ("All religions come down to the same thing: 'Fuck you!'")

From our spot across the street, we watched life and death pass through the busy emergency entrance of Beth Israel Hospital. A good lesson in relativity: I was much happier to be sleeping outside in the cold and rain, rather than inside the warm and dry hospital.

In the morning I woke up to find Jimmy sleeping in the exposed area at the entrance to our alcove.

The day was cold and blustery and I spent most of it wandering around in a tired daze, sweeping occasionally and visiting the Tibet House to see if they had regular meditation sessions. That evening I crashed out back in Washington Square Park, but the rain soon returned around midnight. I found another spot that was relatively dry next to an apartment building and under an over-hanging balcony. I woke up at 4am to find that the wind had shifted to blow the rain in on me, soaking my blanket and getting my clothes wet.

Some Tibetan monks have a yogic practice called "tummo" in which they learn to generate heat in their bellies and radiate it through the rest of their body. They meditate outside in the snow while blankets dipped in freezing lake water are draped over their bare shoulders and backs. Using their tummo body heat, they dry the blanket. When the blanket is dry, it is replaced by a new freezing wet one.

I scrunched myself into the remaining few square feet of dry space and attempted to generate some internal body heat. And while my effort turned out to be quite feeble, I at least managed to relax into the coldness itself, taking away some of its bite. And I even managed to get some more sleep too.

The next day was another cold, blustery, rainy day and I spent much of it in the library. Someone stole my straw sun hat from the bag storage area! I guess they figured it would help them stay drier in the rain. But bless them, the little thievin' sweethearts, for not taking my compact umbrella that was right next to my hat.

That night I found the perfect sleeping spot with some other homeless folks next to some grating that was venting heat from the subway. Delighted, I immediately fell into a deep sleep.....which lasted about 30 minutes until the police rousted us all out at about midnight. At least my blanket was mostly dried by then.

Last night I didn't even try to find a new spot and headed straight back to my spot under the over-hanging balcony. But it's sort of comical to sneak my way in there because I have to hop over a low fence before heading through some small bushes. The fence is very exposed, so I have to time walking by it and jumping over it when nobody is looking, which ain't so easy in the City That Never Sleeps. There's always a certain amount of foot traffic, even at midnight or 1am.

But this morning I was discovered by the building maintenance crew. They had a good laugh because I've been sleeping right under their boss's window these past few nights.

Today I went to the Holy Apostles Church free lunch program and I saw a grizzled homeless guy with a broom and stand-up dustpan like mine. I was so curious that I tracked him down outside after lunch. He said he cleans up places around the city as a service to God because he doesn't have any other skills to offer. Wow.

On that first cold rainy night with one-eyed Jimmy behind the hospital, another homeless guy named George showed up. He was only wearing a T-shirt and ripped pants, so he was shivering in the wet chill. Then a woman appeared and the two of them began hurling insults at one another. She staggered around, making threatening gestures and yelling incoherently. She wore a dirty shirt and jeans that were barely staying on her. And it was obvious that she wasn't wearing any underwear. Then, with a final "Kiss my ass!", she stormed off. Jimmy yelled after her, "Well let's see it then!" and to their delight she dropped her pants. After they finally stopped laughing, I asked George who she was and he admitted that he didn't know.

About 30 minutes later she came back, this time wearing a black faux fur coat, mini-skirt, and high heels-----obviously a 'lady of the evening'. Her hair was brushed back and she was actually quite beautiful. We were speechless. She walked calmly, almost elegantly, up to George and he shrunk back a little. She lifted up her purse, and, like a trained magician, slowly pulled a jacket out of it. She handed it to George who was still shivering from the cold, then turned and slowly strolled away.

It took us a while before we remembered to close our gaping mouths.