The Church Not Made With Hands

Rated: PG-13 for language

For the next few days I continued cleaning up around Santa Monica, enjoying the sunshine and trying to relax back into monk mode.

My well-rounded three course meal:

appetizer---dry Raisin Bran or Cheerios
main course---dry rye bread
dessert---dry Frosted Flakes or Captain Crunch

And copious amounts of water

Repeat for lunch and dinner.

After a few days of this sumptuous fare, I found a big bag of sweetened popcorn (ooh, a third choice for dessert!) and an orange left by the beach. And then I hit the jackpot when I went by the Ocean Park Community Center (OPCC) and came across several big bags of green bananas left out for the homeless. None of the homeless people congregating there seemed very interested in the fruit, so I took a bunch of four to help round out my grains-heavy diet. Every day of this practice I am reminded to appreciate the "little things" that I used to take for granted. Amazing how much delight a "simple" banana can bring.

As for food donations to my begging bowl, a friendly homeless fellow named Ron gave me three granola bars. And Dave and Mark, two Christian homeless guys, gave me half a loaf of bread and a muffin, just in case I didn't have enough grains already. Kidding aside, the food is much appreciated and it is always so uplifting and inspiring to witness pure generosity. Especially when I'm hungry. And the irony is not lost on me that homeless people are giving me food. But they tend to carry around more food than the non-homeless. After all, they are often carrying their whole lives around with them too. And so far, they tend to be a bit more comfortable approaching me, perhaps recognizing me as one of their brethren, albeit a somewhat special case.

Since my citation for sleeping in the park, I've taken to roaming the alleys in search of nooks and crannies to sleep in. It makes for late nights and early mornings as I bed down after most people are asleep and get up before they wake up so that I won't be discovered.

One night I found a great hidden spot between a car dealership and an apartment building, but a midnight rain chased me back to the 3rd Street Promenade. Exhausted, I crashed out in the first entryway I came to at the Levi's store. I woke up at 6am to find that the rain had snuck in along an overhead drip line, soaking the lower part of my sleeping bag.

So yes, these first couple of weeks have definitely been a test of my resolve. I've been tired and cold and wet and lonely and hungry (except for grains), but my spirits are actually doing pretty well because I've also had at least as many moments of peace and hilarity and camaraderie and even satiation (especially grains).

So a test of my resolve, yes, but not a test of my faith. After all, my faith is that things will be exactly as they will be. You can't go wrong with that. It's easy to "Trust" (my latest mantra) when I'm trusting that reality will unfold exactly as it's supposed to----light and dark and everything in between. The Universe will do its merry dance, and the more I can align myself with it, the more graceful my dance will go, and the freer and happier I will be. At least, that's the theory. The difficult part comes in trying to embrace the moments when reality decides to kick my butt.

But I'm not talking passivity here. Too many people think that Eastern philosophies represent a passive approach to life. On the contrary, the more I align myself with reality, the more I am able to affect and effect it. The paradox kicks in: the more I let go of my cravings and embrace my fears (i.e., the more I open directly to things as they are in the here and now), the more freedom I have to create and manifest without constricting attachments to outcomes.

In fact, by aligning with What Is*, there seems to be an uncanny reciprocity on the part of the Universe, as if it's willing to meet me half way. (This is where things get a little uncomfortably new-agey for me, but what the hell.) Actually, it's kinda the opposite of the Law of Attraction (what little I know of it). It's more like the Law of Subtraction: the more I let go of what I want, the more of it I get. And the more I give of what I want, the more it rains back down on me. ("You only get what you give"---great song by the New Radicals.)

Okay, I'm sermonizing again.

One night I discovered an inadvertantly unlocked gate that led down to a great sleeping spot in a stairwell behind a church. But the next morning I got up too late (again, no watch, so no alarm!) and the caretaker saw me. I hustled out of there before he could call the cops-----wouldn't do to get another trespassing citation! I thought it was kinda funny that a monk should be fleeing from a church.

As I fled, I couldn't help but laugh since I'm trying to realize that the whole world is my church (like the Waterboys' "Church Not Made With Hands"). In this church, the pews of sand and asphalt are filled with devout trees and penitent buildings, praying to their multifarious Gods as the organ bellows a harmonious cacophany of wind and car horns and birdsong. And every day is a Sunday out of football season. And the sermon is sung in vibrant colors across the sky. Here, I am the altar, and communion is both a lifelong endeavor as well as an everyday event. For I have glimpsed the baptismal basin.....and the water is already wine.

But still I struggle to behold the true aspect of the Great Architect, for I'd like to suggest that she add more public restrooms.

"When you learn to hear chaos as the voice of God, you will begin to see the face of God."
---from an audio cassette by Caroline Myss, spiritual teacher

"I wish I could serve God. He's the only fucking God I've got. But you know what? The Devil's the only one who's been kind to me lately."
---"Little Bit", a small homeless woman

"When you argue with what is, you lose---but only 100% of the time."
---Byron Katie 

*Byron Katie has an amazing book called Loving What Is, a radically challenging and transformative approach to life.